Plus is Equal?

Ok, so there has been some controversy over Ashley Graham's pictures on Sports Illustrated. I typically don't do this...but I'm going to give my opinion on this. Ready or not...I don't really care.

Clearly not her SI picture...but I'm not posting those

So first off, I am a “plus size” girl. I have been for most of my life. I've had my moments when I've gained a bit, and lost a bit, and had been on that back and forth roller coaster for quite a while. Although I seem to be a fairly confident person (and I am...with most things), I have always struggled with my weight and body image issues.

I've had my “ups” when I feel confident in how I have looked—basically knowing I am overweight, but being ok with it, and accepting myself for who I am. And I've had my “downs” when I have gone through about every means of trying to lose weight (healthy or not), and being so unhappy with how I have looked. Regardless of how “down” I have felt, I've always disguised my discontent within myself. “Fake it til you make it." Basically, fake the confidence, and you'll be confident. Fake the content, and you'll be content.

But I was never fully content.

Now, this is not a post to sit here and bash all “plus size equality” stuff, or Ashley Graham. The girl is gorgeous, and she's a great model. As a “plus size” woman, I am happy to see the strides of acceptance that are being made. I will never judge a woman (or a man) for being “plus size”. I have no right to do so. So I won't. End of story.

HOWEVER, I am not content with staying a plus size woman.

Some of you may have noticed, and some of you probably didn't pay any attention. But over the past 2-2.5 months, I've started shedding some pounds. About 20 lbs to be extact-ish. To put it into perspective...I am currently the same size as Ashley Graham [if she is the size they say she is]. And lucky for me, I'm borderline being able to go down another size. That'll be the SMALLEST I have been in....well I just don't remember when. I was 1-2 whole pant sizes larger than my current size when I moved up to Chicagoland.

Me - January 2016 - same pant size as Ashley Graham

[Obviously not me] Ashley Graham

So why the change?

Honestly, I realized my problem. It wasn't “I'm plus size, so I'll never be equal.” Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never find a man”. Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never be beautiful”. And I hope none of my plus size friends ever buy into any of those thought processes. The realization of the need for change came for me when I started evaluating my family's medical history. Diabetes and cancer tend to cling to both sides of my family, and I didn't want to start dealing with either of those at a young age, and I realized that if I didn't start taking care of my health, those were only some of the issues I could face.

So my change didn't come from an outer need, but more so an inner awakening.

Although this body that God has given me is not the body I'll have in the kingdom, that doesn't give me the right to be destructive to it now.

I've also seen friends of mine that have struggled with size their whole life, but live very healthy lifestyles and have healthy diets, so I want to emphasize that it's not about the size.

For me, losing 20 pounds has been great because I feel better. Yes, I like how I look better now. But part of that comes from how I feel. My ankles hurt less, I can breathe better. I quit Mt. Dew [yup...you read that right]. I've tried it since, and have a hard time stomaching it anymore. So you're welcome, body, for keeping all of those nasty chemicals out.

It's taken motivation, dedication, and encouragement. And I've been blessed to have people up here to help me with that, and encouragement from my circle back home as well. I joined a gym. I changed my diet. I did a 1 month weight loss challenge, with a guy [yes, I know I was at an unfair advantage...that's why I lost...and he “cheated”...and I'm bitter]. And I've seen amazing results and don't want to revert back to who I was before.

October 2015 [Then]

January 2016 [Now]

I don't take a stand on the platform that “plus is equal”.

 Not because I disagree with it, but because as a “plus size woman”, I don't want to stay a “plus size woman”. And now I'm 20 pounds, and 2 pant sizes closer to no longer being one.