I'm Coming Home...

I came to Chicagoland a little over a year ago now in full pursuit of what God had in store for me. I was just trying to go where He was leading me. And I don't think that I mistook that calling. I think there are many many reasons He led me to Chicago. I made friendships I never would have otherwise, and that will last forever. I was in a relationship that, at the end of it, forced me to realize even those who I thought would have the power to break me, failed to do so, because I'm stronger than the betrayal. And in that, have learned more about myself and my resiliency than I ever thought imaginable.

I'm learning that God's will sometimes just reveals itself just a little at a time. Back in July, my niece was born, and I was reminded of how amazing aunthood can be. I obviously had already known that with Grant, but when I got to hold Brooke, I remembered all of the days I spent with Grant when he was that age, and then realized I would miss those days with Brooke. Then, about a month later, I unfortunately was not able to make Grant's 3^rd Birthday. I've done long-distance relationships, and they're tough sometimes...but long-distance aunthood...it started wearing me down. I had already felt strongly before that point that I would not be living in Chicagoland for the rest of my life, so when the desire to leave made its first appearance in my head, it didn't take long for it to ignite a fire in my heart to pursue that, and to figure out where I wanted to go......home.

So with that all being said, this can serve as my formal announcement that I will be moving HOME...THIS WEEK. Because I apparently want to give myself a stressed-induced illness. And also because I accepted a job with TriZetto Provider Solutions, and my start date is October 24.

I cannot express into words how excited I am. I am beyond elated to be close to my family, my friends, my students, and St. Louis. I'll be moving into an apartment in downtown St. Louis, and be doing things for myself that I have been putting off for whatever reason, or whatever person.

To my Chicagoland friends, I cannot thank you enough for your friendship, your words of wisdom, and the memories [past, present, and ones to come]. I will be back to visit! I promise.

Lindsay and Bre, you are your own separate category. Thank you for being my spirit animals, and my Chicagoland people. I cannot imagine how lack-luster my social life would have been had you not been in my life. And Lindsay, I know you hate St. Louis...but you love me, so you WILL be visiting. Bre, keep your resilience as strong as your love for everyone. Although I will be four hours away, I will always be here for you. I love you both. To the moon.

To the Yusuf's...your love and hospitality that you bestowed unto me is something I cannot express enough gratitude for. Asad and Mariam, thank you for welcoming me into your home, and accepting me as part of your family for the past year. Nani Ma, thank you for your wisdom, influence, love, and support for literally ANYTHING I try to do. You truly are family to me, and my leaving will never change that. Laila, Adam, and Isa...you three have taught me so much about growing up, being a child, discipline, patience, dedication, and love. There will not be a day that will go by that I will not miss your laughter, smiles, and even your cries.

So, so long Naperville...it's been real.

I'm going home!

Happy Anniversary Bry and Ach!

In honor of my beautiful big sister's 1st wedding anniversary, I have decided to post the MOH speech that I so eloquently delivered, one year ago.

"Hi, I'm Ali, the MOH. I'm Bryanna's little sister. I met Bryanna 23 years, 11 months, and 25 days ago. For those of you who are able to do the math, that means my birthday is on Wednesday. I accept cards and cash of any amount. [pause for laughter]. Growing up, Bryanna and I were not the sisters to braid each others hair, and skip hand and hand smiling and giggling while doing so. It took about 15 years for us to get to that point. In fact, growing up, Bryanna was not my biggest fan, and as it's recently been revealed to me, I guess I wasn't hers either. Apparently, I had the tendency to be a little tattle-tale, but Bryanna definitely had the tendency to be a little mischievous. It took until I got into high school for us to really start seeing eye to eye on things. And by seeing eye to eye, I mean, having completely different likes and dislikes, and interests. It it's pink, Bryanna loves it...but me...not so much. If it's black, gray, or lacking in color, I love it...but Bryanna...not so much. If it's blingy, flashy, furry, sparkly, or covered in glitter, it's Bryanna. If it's plaids, solids, or anything lacking excitement, it's me. If it's a big, tall, burly guy, with a full beard, he's mine. If it's a fit, athletic, clean cut, and tan guy, he's Bry's. But somehow, through all of those differences in our personalities, we learned to be great sisters, and the best of friends. I have always been a fan of The Little Mermaid. Being the youngest daughter, with only older sisters, and love of singing, Ariel matched my personality. Bryanna, however, has always been Cinderella. She has always been waiting for her Prince Charming to come and sweep her of her feet. She's been waiting for that magical moment, with the pumpkin, and the fairy-godmother, and the talking mice...or maybe more-so the love and happily ever after that it brought to the beautiful princess. So for years, Bryanna has been waiting for her Prince Charming. But, I think she got her Disney movies confused, because today, she married Aladdin. But I think that's better. Aladdin had such a passion, and devotion to his princess that truly matches how Ach treats Bry. I can honestly say that I've never seen anyone look at my sister with so much love, so much devotion, and so much kindness. I've never seen her light up as much as she does when she talks about him. I have never seen two different fairy-tales mesh together so well. So Ach, big brother, you made your promises to my sister earlier, but I need you make a couple promises to me. If Wicked ever comes to the Oklahoma City Civic Center Music Hall, promise me that you'll take Bryanna to see it, since her Elphie can't be there to take her. Promise me that if you ever find something called a “chocolate burger” you will IMMEDIATELY buy it for her. For every road trip you take together, promise me that you will have a killer playlist with Nsync, Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Michael Jackson, and Debbie Gibson on it. And if you ever go to Mexico, please make sure Bryanna is fluent in both Spanish, and sign language. And last but not least, please promise to remind my sister how much I love her, and how happy I am that she is being loved by someone as wonderful as you. 

So please raise your glass, as we toast to Bry and Ach, and their fairy-tale, happily-ever-after."

Happy Anniversary, Achraf and Bryanna! Love you! 

Happy 6 Months, Chicagoland!

Not too shabby, Chicago. Not too shabby.

Alright, friends, I'm going to be honest here.......it's taken me a while to put this together, because I've tried to find the best way to make sure I say what I want to say, without writing a novel. So I apologize for the delay.

The morning of September 6, 2015, I woke up with my car [and my dad's rental] packed full of all my valuables, like 80% of my clothes, and a very anxious heart. I hit the road on my way to my new home. The next day, September 7, 2015, I moved all of my belongings [that I didn't leave at my mom's house back home] into my new home in Naperville, IL.

My decision to move was not made to run away from something, or to run to something. It was a decision made after months and months of feeling a calling from God to be still, trust him, and know that He had big plans coming my way. And boy, was He right...

Six month later, and my life has changed so much. More than I ever could have imagined.

So, rather than typing out long, drawn-out paragraphs about my experience thus far, I'm going to type out a list of the things I've either A). Learned/Realized B) Remembered C) All of the above.

1. It doesn't matter how often I go home, I seem to always be missing my parents.
2. Pakistani food is amazing.
3. I miss fried chicken. And I mean good fried chicken. I miss Eagle's Nest.
4. I, however, have been compensated with very good, authentic Mexican food. Tacos and tortas. Tortas and tacos. Yes.
5. Sometimes it takes time to make GOOD friends. But it was worth the time I had to invest into that process.
6. It's ok to go do things by yourself [i.e. movies, mani/pedi, shopping, going to grab a drink, etc.]
7. Just because a church's beliefs are the same as yours, doesn't mean that it is the perfect fit for you.
8. My bosses are Pakistani, and three of my closest friends are Filipino, black, and Mexican. So ignorant, and racist comments make me sad.
9. This does not mean that I'm voting for Bernie or Hillary. Because I'm not. I don't know who I'm voting for. But I'm just saddened by the hateful ignorance that I've seen on TV, social media, and real life.
10. Fitness is important. It sucks sometimes. But it's important.
11. I love these children.
12. I miss my nephew. Pretty much all the time.
13. It's still easy being a Cardinals and Blues fan...and that's not going to change.
14. Quitting Mt. Dew cold turkey—a lot easier than I expected.
15. Find & surround yourself with people who challenge you, encourage you, and make you want to be a better person.
16. Shopping up here is no joke.
17. It's ok to challenge yourself. I've reaffirmed my beliefs, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, etc.
18. St. Louis is still my city.
19. Nashville is still my first home.
20. Chicago doesn't suck as bad as I thought it did less than a year ago.

It's been a great 6 months so far. Here's to many more.

[The people I kill my free time with...y'all are amazing]

Plus is Equal?

Ok, so there has been some controversy over Ashley Graham's pictures on Sports Illustrated. I typically don't do this...but I'm going to give my opinion on this. Ready or not...I don't really care.

Clearly not her SI picture...but I'm not posting those

So first off, I am a “plus size” girl. I have been for most of my life. I've had my moments when I've gained a bit, and lost a bit, and had been on that back and forth roller coaster for quite a while. Although I seem to be a fairly confident person (and I am...with most things), I have always struggled with my weight and body image issues.

I've had my “ups” when I feel confident in how I have looked—basically knowing I am overweight, but being ok with it, and accepting myself for who I am. And I've had my “downs” when I have gone through about every means of trying to lose weight (healthy or not), and being so unhappy with how I have looked. Regardless of how “down” I have felt, I've always disguised my discontent within myself. “Fake it til you make it." Basically, fake the confidence, and you'll be confident. Fake the content, and you'll be content.

But I was never fully content.

Now, this is not a post to sit here and bash all “plus size equality” stuff, or Ashley Graham. The girl is gorgeous, and she's a great model. As a “plus size” woman, I am happy to see the strides of acceptance that are being made. I will never judge a woman (or a man) for being “plus size”. I have no right to do so. So I won't. End of story.

HOWEVER, I am not content with staying a plus size woman.

Some of you may have noticed, and some of you probably didn't pay any attention. But over the past 2-2.5 months, I've started shedding some pounds. About 20 lbs to be extact-ish. To put it into perspective...I am currently the same size as Ashley Graham [if she is the size they say she is]. And lucky for me, I'm borderline being able to go down another size. That'll be the SMALLEST I have been in....well I just don't remember when. I was 1-2 whole pant sizes larger than my current size when I moved up to Chicagoland.

Me - January 2016 - same pant size as Ashley Graham

[Obviously not me] Ashley Graham

So why the change?

Honestly, I realized my problem. It wasn't “I'm plus size, so I'll never be equal.” Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never find a man”. Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never be beautiful”. And I hope none of my plus size friends ever buy into any of those thought processes. The realization of the need for change came for me when I started evaluating my family's medical history. Diabetes and cancer tend to cling to both sides of my family, and I didn't want to start dealing with either of those at a young age, and I realized that if I didn't start taking care of my health, those were only some of the issues I could face.

So my change didn't come from an outer need, but more so an inner awakening.

Although this body that God has given me is not the body I'll have in the kingdom, that doesn't give me the right to be destructive to it now.

I've also seen friends of mine that have struggled with size their whole life, but live very healthy lifestyles and have healthy diets, so I want to emphasize that it's not about the size.

For me, losing 20 pounds has been great because I feel better. Yes, I like how I look better now. But part of that comes from how I feel. My ankles hurt less, I can breathe better. I quit Mt. Dew [yup...you read that right]. I've tried it since, and have a hard time stomaching it anymore. So you're welcome, body, for keeping all of those nasty chemicals out.

It's taken motivation, dedication, and encouragement. And I've been blessed to have people up here to help me with that, and encouragement from my circle back home as well. I joined a gym. I changed my diet. I did a 1 month weight loss challenge, with a guy [yes, I know I was at an unfair advantage...that's why I lost...and he “cheated”...and I'm bitter]. And I've seen amazing results and don't want to revert back to who I was before.

October 2015 [Then]

January 2016 [Now]

I don't take a stand on the platform that “plus is equal”.

 Not because I disagree with it, but because as a “plus size woman”, I don't want to stay a “plus size woman”. And now I'm 20 pounds, and 2 pant sizes closer to no longer being one.