Another for Bre

This past weekend, I attended the funeral for one of my best friends.

That’s a tough sentence to read. It was even tougher to write. And the physical act of saying goodbye was heartbreaking. Bre and I didn’t know each other our whole lives…in fact, we became friends just over a year from the end of hers, but that doesn’t really matter. She loved everyone, and saw the best in everyone. She sought me out as a friend, despite the battle that she was facing, and was relentless in her pursuit of that friendship. I remember the first time that we hung out, she was asking me all about my life, my family, my friends, my love life, my job, my hobbies, everything. She just wanted to get to know me, and she cared. And while I was sitting there babbling on about my life, I kept thinking to myself “this girl has cancer, and all she wants to do is be my friend”. She didn’t talk about her cancer much, and I wasn’t going to force her to. Instead, I got to know this girl that was more than the cancer she was fighting. I got to learn about her love of photography [a quality we both shared], her love for music [shared that as well], her love for sushi and whiskey [shared that], her time in California, her friends, her family, and her heart for Jesus [another shared quality]. It was an instant and fast friendship. 

I knew that she was someone I genuinely wanted to be around. Her heart for others was inspiring. I can’t imagine going through what she was going through at 27, and still putting LITERALLY everyone before myself. It wasn’t long after our friendship began that Lindsay and Bre got introduced, and it’s no surprise that it happened at our favorite little place, Quigley’s. Quigley’s became the homestead for many of our hangouts and get-togethers. This is likely due to the Men’s Chorus of DuPage that would go there on Tuesday nights, and serenade the entire bar. When they found out that we sang, we all became honorary members. One of my favorite memories of Bre, has recently become the night that she met the guys, and they sang a song to her, and all she could do was smile and laugh. And her laugh was infectious. Once she started, it was hard for her to stop…but it was ok, because you didn’t want her too. It was an amazing laugh.

One night, I had been having a rough day…or days, so Bre and Lindsay declared a girls night with music, and drinks. Bre picked up her guitar, and we all started singing. Not only did we decide to do it that night, but we wanted to do this all the time. We thought it’d be fun to start singing together. We created a playlist of songs to sing together, and Bre titled it “2 Blondes and a Ginger Angel.” That’s what she called me. Her ginger angel. That or Al Pal. That night before Lindsay and I left, Bre grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote the words “Dear Ginger Angel, we love you to the moon.” She drew a heart on it, they both wrote their initials, I wrote mine, and that is how “To the Moon” was founded. Over the summer when Bre had the first surgery on her brain, we decided to get “to the moon” in Bre’s handwriting, as tattoos. Of course, we wanted to include Bre. She loved the idea, and insisted that she was going to talk to her oncologist about it the very next day. Sadly, he couldn’t sign off on it. We were still hopeful though that it would happen one day.

In September, I had made the decision to move home. I went to Bre’s one day to catch up on things, and so I could break the news to her about my decision. She was so excited for me. She knew that my heart was in St. Louis, and that that was where I needed to be. She even sat down with me, and helped me pick out apartments. She was sad to see me leaving, but she knew that’s where God wanted me, and that the distance wouldn’t affect our friendship.

I moved in October, we had text each other a time or two; one of the times being after she had gotten released from the hospital. So when I went up at the beginning of November, there was no way I was going to NOT see her. When I got there she was just waking up from a nap, so she was a little loopy, but that may have been the most we have ever laughed together. She wrote me a song---a parody of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. I have it recorded, and it is by far one of my most treasured pieces of media now. I told her about the apartment that I chose, and she was quick to remind me that it was the one that she liked the most. I told her about my job, and we just goofed off, and laughed some more. This was my favorite day with Bre. This was also the last day I would see her.

Over the year that I knew Bre, I grew incredibly close to her. It was many nights of laughter, many nights of listening to her perform with Grateful Gary and the Magic Bus [those guys adored her—for obvious reasons], and many nights of prayer, hope, and encouragement while sitting around a hospital bed. She became one of my best friends. I love tattoos, but I don’t get tattoos for just anyone. But on Friday, the morning of Bre’s visitation, Lindsay and I went and did what we had hoped to do with Bre. We got “to the moon” in Bre’s beautiful handwriting tattooed on us so that a part of her is always with us.

I miss her. She fought a good fight, and if anyone was going to beat it, it was going to be Bre. Her resiliency was inspiring, and her love for others made her a one-of-a-kind human. I think that’s why God called her home. She was an angel among us, and she didn’t deserve to suffer anymore. Her heart had such a capacity to love others and to show His love, and the legacy she has left here will never be forgotten. I love you, Breanna Jean! To the moon! 

mine:also mine:lindsay's

For Breanna Jean

The day that I met you, you sought me out.

You made me your friend in a minute. 

I accepted without a doubt. 

You told me your story, and smiled through it all.

You entrusted your life to Jesus.

Your positivity left me in awe. 

Your life was a model of how we should be.

You thought of Jesus first, others second,

And then you thought about Bre. 

We spent time eating sushi, singing songs,

Laughing, crying, sipping on whiskey,

And talking about where boys went wrong.

You fought like a warrior, a soldier going to war.

You kept your head up, and fought with a smile,

One that we all adore. 

But God didn’t need you to be a soldier down here.

He needed you with Him.
With no pain and no fear.

This is not goodbye. It’s I’ll see you sometime soon. 

I love you, and miss you beautiful friend.

I love you to the moon. 


BreStrong. BreFree.

I'm Coming Home...

I came to Chicagoland a little over a year ago now in full pursuit of what God had in store for me. I was just trying to go where He was leading me. And I don't think that I mistook that calling. I think there are many many reasons He led me to Chicago. I made friendships I never would have otherwise, and that will last forever. I was in a relationship that, at the end of it, forced me to realize even those who I thought would have the power to break me, failed to do so, because I'm stronger than the betrayal. And in that, have learned more about myself and my resiliency than I ever thought imaginable.

I'm learning that God's will sometimes just reveals itself just a little at a time. Back in July, my niece was born, and I was reminded of how amazing aunthood can be. I obviously had already known that with Grant, but when I got to hold Brooke, I remembered all of the days I spent with Grant when he was that age, and then realized I would miss those days with Brooke. Then, about a month later, I unfortunately was not able to make Grant's 3^rd Birthday. I've done long-distance relationships, and they're tough sometimes...but long-distance aunthood...it started wearing me down. I had already felt strongly before that point that I would not be living in Chicagoland for the rest of my life, so when the desire to leave made its first appearance in my head, it didn't take long for it to ignite a fire in my heart to pursue that, and to figure out where I wanted to go......home.

So with that all being said, this can serve as my formal announcement that I will be moving HOME...THIS WEEK. Because I apparently want to give myself a stressed-induced illness. And also because I accepted a job with TriZetto Provider Solutions, and my start date is October 24.

I cannot express into words how excited I am. I am beyond elated to be close to my family, my friends, my students, and St. Louis. I'll be moving into an apartment in downtown St. Louis, and be doing things for myself that I have been putting off for whatever reason, or whatever person.

To my Chicagoland friends, I cannot thank you enough for your friendship, your words of wisdom, and the memories [past, present, and ones to come]. I will be back to visit! I promise.

Lindsay and Bre, you are your own separate category. Thank you for being my spirit animals, and my Chicagoland people. I cannot imagine how lack-luster my social life would have been had you not been in my life. And Lindsay, I know you hate St. Louis...but you love me, so you WILL be visiting. Bre, keep your resilience as strong as your love for everyone. Although I will be four hours away, I will always be here for you. I love you both. To the moon.

To the Yusuf's...your love and hospitality that you bestowed unto me is something I cannot express enough gratitude for. Asad and Mariam, thank you for welcoming me into your home, and accepting me as part of your family for the past year. Nani Ma, thank you for your wisdom, influence, love, and support for literally ANYTHING I try to do. You truly are family to me, and my leaving will never change that. Laila, Adam, and Isa...you three have taught me so much about growing up, being a child, discipline, patience, dedication, and love. There will not be a day that will go by that I will not miss your laughter, smiles, and even your cries.

So, so long Naperville...it's been real.

I'm going home!

Happy Anniversary Bry and Ach!

In honor of my beautiful big sister's 1st wedding anniversary, I have decided to post the MOH speech that I so eloquently delivered, one year ago.

"Hi, I'm Ali, the MOH. I'm Bryanna's little sister. I met Bryanna 23 years, 11 months, and 25 days ago. For those of you who are able to do the math, that means my birthday is on Wednesday. I accept cards and cash of any amount. [pause for laughter]. Growing up, Bryanna and I were not the sisters to braid each others hair, and skip hand and hand smiling and giggling while doing so. It took about 15 years for us to get to that point. In fact, growing up, Bryanna was not my biggest fan, and as it's recently been revealed to me, I guess I wasn't hers either. Apparently, I had the tendency to be a little tattle-tale, but Bryanna definitely had the tendency to be a little mischievous. It took until I got into high school for us to really start seeing eye to eye on things. And by seeing eye to eye, I mean, having completely different likes and dislikes, and interests. It it's pink, Bryanna loves it...but me...not so much. If it's black, gray, or lacking in color, I love it...but Bryanna...not so much. If it's blingy, flashy, furry, sparkly, or covered in glitter, it's Bryanna. If it's plaids, solids, or anything lacking excitement, it's me. If it's a big, tall, burly guy, with a full beard, he's mine. If it's a fit, athletic, clean cut, and tan guy, he's Bry's. But somehow, through all of those differences in our personalities, we learned to be great sisters, and the best of friends. I have always been a fan of The Little Mermaid. Being the youngest daughter, with only older sisters, and love of singing, Ariel matched my personality. Bryanna, however, has always been Cinderella. She has always been waiting for her Prince Charming to come and sweep her of her feet. She's been waiting for that magical moment, with the pumpkin, and the fairy-godmother, and the talking mice...or maybe more-so the love and happily ever after that it brought to the beautiful princess. So for years, Bryanna has been waiting for her Prince Charming. But, I think she got her Disney movies confused, because today, she married Aladdin. But I think that's better. Aladdin had such a passion, and devotion to his princess that truly matches how Ach treats Bry. I can honestly say that I've never seen anyone look at my sister with so much love, so much devotion, and so much kindness. I've never seen her light up as much as she does when she talks about him. I have never seen two different fairy-tales mesh together so well. So Ach, big brother, you made your promises to my sister earlier, but I need you make a couple promises to me. If Wicked ever comes to the Oklahoma City Civic Center Music Hall, promise me that you'll take Bryanna to see it, since her Elphie can't be there to take her. Promise me that if you ever find something called a “chocolate burger” you will IMMEDIATELY buy it for her. For every road trip you take together, promise me that you will have a killer playlist with Nsync, Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Michael Jackson, and Debbie Gibson on it. And if you ever go to Mexico, please make sure Bryanna is fluent in both Spanish, and sign language. And last but not least, please promise to remind my sister how much I love her, and how happy I am that she is being loved by someone as wonderful as you. 

So please raise your glass, as we toast to Bry and Ach, and their fairy-tale, happily-ever-after."

Happy Anniversary, Achraf and Bryanna! Love you! 

Happy 6 Months, Chicagoland!

Not too shabby, Chicago. Not too shabby.

Alright, friends, I'm going to be honest here.......it's taken me a while to put this together, because I've tried to find the best way to make sure I say what I want to say, without writing a novel. So I apologize for the delay.

The morning of September 6, 2015, I woke up with my car [and my dad's rental] packed full of all my valuables, like 80% of my clothes, and a very anxious heart. I hit the road on my way to my new home. The next day, September 7, 2015, I moved all of my belongings [that I didn't leave at my mom's house back home] into my new home in Naperville, IL.

My decision to move was not made to run away from something, or to run to something. It was a decision made after months and months of feeling a calling from God to be still, trust him, and know that He had big plans coming my way. And boy, was He right...

Six month later, and my life has changed so much. More than I ever could have imagined.

So, rather than typing out long, drawn-out paragraphs about my experience thus far, I'm going to type out a list of the things I've either A). Learned/Realized B) Remembered C) All of the above.

1. It doesn't matter how often I go home, I seem to always be missing my parents.
2. Pakistani food is amazing.
3. I miss fried chicken. And I mean good fried chicken. I miss Eagle's Nest.
4. I, however, have been compensated with very good, authentic Mexican food. Tacos and tortas. Tortas and tacos. Yes.
5. Sometimes it takes time to make GOOD friends. But it was worth the time I had to invest into that process.
6. It's ok to go do things by yourself [i.e. movies, mani/pedi, shopping, going to grab a drink, etc.]
7. Just because a church's beliefs are the same as yours, doesn't mean that it is the perfect fit for you.
8. My bosses are Pakistani, and three of my closest friends are Filipino, black, and Mexican. So ignorant, and racist comments make me sad.
9. This does not mean that I'm voting for Bernie or Hillary. Because I'm not. I don't know who I'm voting for. But I'm just saddened by the hateful ignorance that I've seen on TV, social media, and real life.
10. Fitness is important. It sucks sometimes. But it's important.
11. I love these children.
12. I miss my nephew. Pretty much all the time.
13. It's still easy being a Cardinals and Blues fan...and that's not going to change.
14. Quitting Mt. Dew cold turkey—a lot easier than I expected.
15. Find & surround yourself with people who challenge you, encourage you, and make you want to be a better person.
16. Shopping up here is no joke.
17. It's ok to challenge yourself. I've reaffirmed my beliefs, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, etc.
18. St. Louis is still my city.
19. Nashville is still my first home.
20. Chicago doesn't suck as bad as I thought it did less than a year ago.

It's been a great 6 months so far. Here's to many more.

[The people I kill my free time with...y'all are amazing]

Plus is Equal?

Ok, so there has been some controversy over Ashley Graham's pictures on Sports Illustrated. I typically don't do this...but I'm going to give my opinion on this. Ready or not...I don't really care.

Clearly not her SI picture...but I'm not posting those

So first off, I am a “plus size” girl. I have been for most of my life. I've had my moments when I've gained a bit, and lost a bit, and had been on that back and forth roller coaster for quite a while. Although I seem to be a fairly confident person (and I am...with most things), I have always struggled with my weight and body image issues.

I've had my “ups” when I feel confident in how I have looked—basically knowing I am overweight, but being ok with it, and accepting myself for who I am. And I've had my “downs” when I have gone through about every means of trying to lose weight (healthy or not), and being so unhappy with how I have looked. Regardless of how “down” I have felt, I've always disguised my discontent within myself. “Fake it til you make it." Basically, fake the confidence, and you'll be confident. Fake the content, and you'll be content.

But I was never fully content.

Now, this is not a post to sit here and bash all “plus size equality” stuff, or Ashley Graham. The girl is gorgeous, and she's a great model. As a “plus size” woman, I am happy to see the strides of acceptance that are being made. I will never judge a woman (or a man) for being “plus size”. I have no right to do so. So I won't. End of story.

HOWEVER, I am not content with staying a plus size woman.

Some of you may have noticed, and some of you probably didn't pay any attention. But over the past 2-2.5 months, I've started shedding some pounds. About 20 lbs to be extact-ish. To put it into perspective...I am currently the same size as Ashley Graham [if she is the size they say she is]. And lucky for me, I'm borderline being able to go down another size. That'll be the SMALLEST I have been in....well I just don't remember when. I was 1-2 whole pant sizes larger than my current size when I moved up to Chicagoland.

Me - January 2016 - same pant size as Ashley Graham

[Obviously not me] Ashley Graham

So why the change?

Honestly, I realized my problem. It wasn't “I'm plus size, so I'll never be equal.” Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never find a man”. Or “I'm plus size, so I'll never be beautiful”. And I hope none of my plus size friends ever buy into any of those thought processes. The realization of the need for change came for me when I started evaluating my family's medical history. Diabetes and cancer tend to cling to both sides of my family, and I didn't want to start dealing with either of those at a young age, and I realized that if I didn't start taking care of my health, those were only some of the issues I could face.

So my change didn't come from an outer need, but more so an inner awakening.

Although this body that God has given me is not the body I'll have in the kingdom, that doesn't give me the right to be destructive to it now.

I've also seen friends of mine that have struggled with size their whole life, but live very healthy lifestyles and have healthy diets, so I want to emphasize that it's not about the size.

For me, losing 20 pounds has been great because I feel better. Yes, I like how I look better now. But part of that comes from how I feel. My ankles hurt less, I can breathe better. I quit Mt. Dew [yup...you read that right]. I've tried it since, and have a hard time stomaching it anymore. So you're welcome, body, for keeping all of those nasty chemicals out.

It's taken motivation, dedication, and encouragement. And I've been blessed to have people up here to help me with that, and encouragement from my circle back home as well. I joined a gym. I changed my diet. I did a 1 month weight loss challenge, with a guy [yes, I know I was at an unfair advantage...that's why I lost...and he “cheated”...and I'm bitter]. And I've seen amazing results and don't want to revert back to who I was before.

October 2015 [Then]

January 2016 [Now]

I don't take a stand on the platform that “plus is equal”.

 Not because I disagree with it, but because as a “plus size woman”, I don't want to stay a “plus size woman”. And now I'm 20 pounds, and 2 pant sizes closer to no longer being one. 

Ali takes on Naperville

I've sat down to do this so many times now, and yet, I'm just now getting the determination to do so. But let's not act surprised about that.

When I announced that I was moving, I had quite a few people ask [or demand] that I keep people back home posted on how “life is” in Naperville. I've had...oh...a couple months now to settle and to really see how my life is going to be. So how is life in Naperville? Let me tell you...

[Lackey Vacation Family Photo Oct 2015]

[Isa and Adam]

You see, I have never in my life gone more than a few weeks without seeing my parents. Either of them. My dad is my rock, and my mom is my go-to person for pretty much every thing. I left behind my home. I left behind my sisters, and took myself even further away from Bryanna in Oklahoma. We currently live 11.5 hours away from each other, that's something we've never dealt with. It's been tough knowing that my sister Shannon, and my dad, and my mom get more 1-on-1 time with my nephew than I do. At this rate, I'll be the aunt he sees on holidays [if that]. I'll be giving up holiday traditions with my family, and the time I'm used to having with them.

I started a job where I took over for a nanny that the kids loved and adored [rightfully so...she was fantastic]. Isa only remembers life with her. Adi and Laila were smitten with her. So it can be a challenge. I'm the “new one”. The “replacement” with big shoes to fill.

My biggest struggle while being up there is not having my friends with me. I was used to having my best friend 5 hours away in Cincinnati. The only part that's different about that is now it's 6 hours away. But I still had 2 other best friends here that made that part of life easier. But I don't have them up in Naperville now. And it's going to take time to grow solid friendships from scratch.

[Isa Baby]

I have moved so many times in my life...and that's my way of saying that I'm lazy and don't want to take the time to count how many. But regardless of how many times I've moved, and how many houses I've lived in, I've never lived in an area that was so completely unfamiliar to me. Leaving behind the most wonderful group of friends, the most supportive and loving church family, and my ACTUAL family has been tough.

Everyone goes through major life transitions. Family, jobs, friends, moving, etc. I just so happen to be going through all of those at one time. And I am so thankful for all of this.

God has given me the most amazing opportunity. He's given me the chance to find a new part of myself that I didn't know existed. So yeah, I'm thankful.

Do I miss my family? Of course I do.

Do I miss my friends? Absolutely.

Do I miss my home? Yup.

[Laila]

Life up here is definitely not the same. But it's not supposed to be the same. This is a completely new chapter of my life. Things aren't supposed to the same. They're not supposed to be comfortable. When God calls us somewhere, He's typically calling us to step out of our comfort zone [and I'm not talking about going out in a public place proudly wearing your Cardinal's apparel when they're playing the Cubs in the playoffs—but I did that too]. He calls us to be stretched beyond what we're used to. Beyond the norm. Beyond what we are comfortable with. Coming from a town of...pretty much only white people, to living in a family of...non-white people is different. But so culturally rewarding. I mean, it's not like I had never been around non-white people. My two best friends are Filipino and Black. But I am regularly finding myself in social settings where I am the minority as the “white girl”. It's been probably the most enlightening and educating experience of my life though.

[The kiddos]

I live with and work for a Muslim family, and living with them during the atrocities being committed by ISIS has been great [and I am being genuine there], because their love, and their generosity, their openness, and their hearts are so quick to shut down ANY sort of prejudice that my stupid brain would think about mustering up. Y'all know that I love Jesus, and my faith is the most important part of my life, and this family has been so accepting of that. In fact, they've been more welcoming and more like a family than many Christians I've encountered in my life.

I've been reminded that regardless of distance, family is family. My mom will always be my mom. She will always be my go-to person for everything. My dad will always be my rock. Four and a half hours of distance isn't going to change that. The most beautiful part about this, is that I have a new family now too. I will always be a Lackey, but I'm now part of the Yusuf family, and it's a pretty amazing family to be a part of. Of course I miss my nephew, but I get to take care of three amazing children, all of which I have started developing a special relationship with. They make me feel like I am at home. They've embraced me as one of their own, and that's not the easiest thing to do.

 My job does not feel like a job. Although it can be exhausting, it is not the burdening feeling of work that I had before. Making friends has still been a struggle, but I have found a small group, I have my friends back home, I have my family back home, and I have my family in Naperville.

[Mantra]

Being a single, 24 year-old female, moving to a new city by herself sounds terrifying. But God has made it clear to me that I had no reason let fear interfere. God is greater than the highs and the lows. And His plans are greater than mine.

Nashville to Naperville

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

This scripture is a very well known, consistently recited, and often memorized by many. I have just recently figured out how true this is though. I mean, I didn't doubt it. I knew that God had a plan for me. I knew that whatever it was, it was going to surpass whatever plans I could dream up myself.

Over the past 6-9 months, I've felt as if God has been calling me somewhere else. But I haven't been able to see where. Nashville, TN—no. Cincinnati, OH—no, St. Louis—no, Collinsville—no. I've been trying to wait patiently. I've been trying to figure out what He has been telling me. Where He wants me. The thing is...I put in “requests” for where I wanted to be. Or what I wanted to do.

You wanna hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.

For real though.

Because what came next completely rocked my world.

I need to preface by saying, as a person raised in Southern Illinois. As a person who has lived here my entire life...I'm naturally trained—raised to have very strong opinions about Chicago. There are countless reasons why, and there's no need to go into them. But I can just say that Chicago was not a place that has ben anywhere on my radar at any point in my life. Not once. I've actually referred to Chicago as the armpit of America. You wanna hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.

I'm not going to go into the whole story of how it happened, but as of Friday 8/14/2015, I accepted a job as a nanny/house manager for a family in Chicago...er—well—Naperville, IL. This family and this family kind of plopped in my lap. It was very out of the blue. When they first approached me, I was hesitant...because it's Chicago. And it's me. And it's Chicago. But something told me to talk to them. And I did. I met them. I met their family. I saw their home. It was that moment of clarity I had been praying to Jesus for.

His plan. His timing.

Not my plan. Not my timing.

His plan > my plan. His timing > my timing.

This job is quite possibly one of the most amazing opportunities I have ever been given. I'll get to travel. I'll get to experience things I have wanted to for a while. I'll get to serve Jesus, and be a witness for Him.

So...in 3 weeks, I'll be saying goodbye to the only place I've ever called home. I'll be moving my life up to Naperville. I'll get adopted into a wonderful family (and still get to keep my actual family). I'll experience a life and things that I've never experienced before. And I'll constantly remind myself of how much God has blessed me with this opportunity.

[To my current coworkers]...you guys are awesome! Thank you for the shared frustrations, the countless laughs, the singalongs, the dance parties, and the memories. You'll still kill it without me there.

[To my friends]...thank you for your support and your prayers. You unselfishly prayed for God's will do be done in my life. Even if it takes me away from here. Special shout outs to Cori, Damanji, Katy and Cassy. My sound boards. My prayer warriors. My best friends. I love you.

[To my students]...y'all are without a doubt the hardest part of leaving. I cannot say that there is one person that would tempt me to stay. Because it's more than one person. It's all of you. You all have impacted my life as much as I've impacted yours, if not more. I will not be absent from your lives, just not physically present as much as I am now.

[To my adorable nephew]...G, I'm still going to be that super cool, fun aunt. That aunt that buys you every single instrument for you to keep your parents up at all hours of the night. That aunt that will be your personal paparazzi...whenever I'm home.

[To my sisters]...thank you guys for teaching me how to live life with determination. Shannon, I've seen you fight selflessly. You always put others first. You are determined to put everyone else's needs above your own. Brittani, you're one of the most ferocious people I've ever met. You're goal-oriented and driven. You see something you want, and you don't just go for it. You actually get it. Bryanna...you're determination is inspiring. You've fought for your life. And you won. You fought for your happiness. And you won. Thank you for showing me what determination looks like.

[Momma and Daddy]...I love you. Thank you for everything. For your support. For your constant dedication. For your sacrifice. For your time. For your love.

Naperville...here I come!

[Thank you, Jesus!]

Blessings.

 Sometimes after a long and exhausting week of work, all you want to do is sit at home on the weekend and do NOTHING. Just relax. Weekends where you don’t worry about getting fancy, or dolled up for anything, because there’s no need. Well, that is NOT at all how my weekend went. After my extremely long and trying work week, I decided to jam-pack my weekend schedule with friends, church, more friends, and more church, and it was quite possibly one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time, despite fighting off this devil of a cold.

I will start off with Friday night, but Friday was actually pretty uneventful. I knew my weekend, was going to be a busy one, so I stayed in for the evening and relaxed. I sat in bed, watched Batman Begins and I talked Dad into ordering my new favorite pizza for dinner – chicken alfredo pizza with feta cheese, tomatoes, and spinach! Jay even stopped by to work on the computer for a minute, so I got to visit with him. Overall, a nice, relaxing, uneventful evening.

[Best way to pass time on a Friday night]

SATURDAY! Saturday started off with the best possible way I could think of starting it. My wonderful best friend Cori came back in to town for the weekend, and I was privileged enough to dine with her at The Egg and I for breakfast, and then do some thrifting at Plato’s Closet. It was some nice quality best friend time. I am so blessed to have her in my life! 

"Your feet don't anchor you, your friends do"
Love her always! 

After saying “see ya later” to Cori, I trekked on over to the church to get ready for rehearsal for the worship set for the weekend. Let me just say, I always enjoy serving on the worship team. I’m always playing with a different group of people, but every group is amazing. I got to play on an electronic piano instead of the keyboard, so my heart was melted into a puddle all weekend [in a good way]. After church, I got to hang out with Beth and Clare for a good 5 hours. We went down to the park to watch Tim and Joey play sand volleyball. We ventured over to the playground and unleashed our inner-child before heading over to BDubs and unleashing out inner-man for wings and baseball. After that, Beth and I made it back to her place to crash on the couch for a little sleepover before beginning our super busy Sunday.

[Cornerstone Christian Church | Momentum]

Sunday morning started with a drive to Troy to pick up Maggie. Lucky girl got to head to church with me at 7:30 in the morning, and be there for all 3 services. In true Maggie fashion though, she was totally cool with it all, and the even got to sit in the Jr. High Sunday school for the first time. She loved it. I knew she would, and she’s finally making friends. I am so thankful for that girl. It is because of her that I decided to get involved with the youth group in the first place. You are all probably going to get tired of reading this next statement, but I don’t care. I am going to LOVE being a youth coach. I am so excited God is blessing me with the opportunity do get involved with these kids. That brings me to the second part of my Sunday. I got to go out to Middle School Mania (with Maggie) and hang out with the 5^th, 6^th, and 7^th grade students.  We had 9 square in the air, kickball [adults vs. students – adults won!], sand volleyball, and water wars. I participated in all of them. I’m not an athlete. Never really have claimed to be either…but I gave it my all and I didn’t completely suck. The sand volleyball was a challenge though, since the sand felt like lava. Just another reason the water wars were wonderful. Just a disclaimer—the water wars were NOT planned, but they were thoroughly enjoyed considering the 90° weather. This ginger was NOT prepared for the sun, but was smart enough to mooch some sunblock off one of the students [Thanks, Anja!] No sunburn for me. Poor Bethy and Timmy got a little rosy, Ali just got a little freckled [which isn’t new]. My main point is that Middle School Mania was a success.

[Iris in my back yard]

After that was finished, Maggie and I traveled [drenched from the water wars] back towards Troy to take her home. After I dropped her off, I headed back to church to help Beth get dinner ready for 18-24. We all ate, had a good lesson and discussion, greeted new faces, welcomed back old ones. Summer is here y'all. I love having everyone back. It just feels right. After we finished up the lesson, we all migrated to the sanctuary and played a little 9 square in the air...again. It is no wonder my body hates me today. You know how hand sanitizer, or a lemon can make you aware of a little bitty cut that you had know realization of beforehand? Well middle school mania made me fully aware of the muscles that I have [that I haven't been using]...and I am feeling it now. So worth it. Absolutely worth it.

I am blessed. Blessed beyond what I deserve. I am loved by my Savior, by my friends, my family. I have a nephew on the way. Not everything is the way I would have planned for it to be, but life would SUCK if that's how it worked. We wouldn't be able to realize for ourselves the true grace, love, and glory of our Savior.



[Washington County State Lake, Washington County Illinois, photo taken and edited by ACLackey]



“For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison to the surpassing glory” - 2 Corinthians 3:10

That's my next tattoo. It's happening. Soon.

Until next time, readers.

God Bless you all!

"Let me tell you about my best friends..."

So I've been meaning to do this for a while...actually, to be honest, I've wanted to do this for the past five and a half months, but I haven't. However, I think that I've procrastinated enough that God has let me know what I want to say now...so here it goes.

Everything happens for a reason, and it's all apart of God's plan. I have heard this my entire life, and have preached this to so many other people. Five and a half months ago this smacked me in the face like nine pound hammer. I was in a serious relationship for about a year, and in early December, we broke up. It was difficult...in fact it was the most difficult break-up I've had to deal with. And then there's work stress, school stress, and so many other things getting thrown at me. My life has changed SO much in the past nine months, it is almost surreal. This is not about the break-up though, or any of the other junk I've had to deal with...it's about what happened after. See, in that break-up, I lost my best friend. That happens to a lot of people in break ups. You get over it, find a new one, and move on. I however, was fortunate enough to find not one, not two, but SIX new best friends. SIX new people that I can truly rely on in all situations. SIX people that will not judge me for any action or thought that I may have. SIX people that I can call and VENT to in any situation, and SIX new people who aren't afraid to tell me what I need to hear, and not what I want to hear. These SIX people are what this blog is about.

Timothy. Timmy. Tim.

Tim, you have quickly become one of my favorite people to be around. You have such a positive, and hilarious outlook on life. No matter the circumstance, you have a different way to look at it, and it's shown me how to be thankful for even the crap in life that gets thrown at us. I laugh every time I'm around you and that's been some of the best medicine I could ask for.

Marianne.

Mar, I don't even know what to say. YOU have had probably the biggest impact in my mindset of moving on from the negative situations that I've gone through and to buck it up and move forward. Your faith is so inspiring as well as your lack of caring what anyone-EXCEPT for Jesus-thinks about you. When you told me you were leaving, I saw my brand new life with my great new friend changing...and I hated it. But seeing what God is doing in your life now is revealing to me that YoungLife is exactly where you belong. No questions asked.

DeShawn. Damanji.

Bro. I had told myself that I needed a guy friend that I could go to about anything. Vent to about life's problems, and who would just be there for me. I wanted a brother. I got one. His name is you. You're my partner in crime...or I guess it's partner in fighting crime since we're Batman and Batgirl. Dynamic Duo, me and you! Love you, bro!

Ashley. Ditchy.

Girl...the SUPER quick impact you've had on my life has just completely floored me. In the short about of time we've been friends, we've gotten super close, and shared more laughs and death stares from Beth than most people should in just a few short months. Your faith, and passion, and love for Jesus challenges me to grow in my faith as well. I am counting down the days until you get married for multiple reasons, but the main being that you are going to be SO much closer to me and Bethy. And of course, you'll be Mrs. Scott Worley. :) I LOVE YOU!

Beth. Bethy. Bethel.

GAHH. Just like with Ashley, I cannot fully even comprehend how awesome our friendship has become over the past few months. We've shared so many laughs and you and Ashley have impacted my spiritual life more than you girls realize. I don't think there is anyone that I would trust more when it comes to my future children than you. With Cori and Marianne both leaving, you have been here for me with the hardships I have had to deal with in those situations, and I don't think I could have gotten through it without you. We also share a DEEP and FIERY love for anything Disney, which is always a solid foundation for any friendship.

Cori. Corinja Turtle. Corin.

I don't even know where to start. First off...I've never had a best friend like you. Ever. You started squeezing into my life when someone else was squeezing out, and I know that was simply God's hand on the entire situation. Your friendship is so much better than the one I lost. You were the first one I talked to when I got my heart broken. You were the first one I talked to when things got worse than that. I've never had someone who could read my mind word for word. I would say that you could see into my soul...but there's no point in bringing that up. I could go on and on and on with Pitch Perfect quotes, but we'll just continue that in our brain [yes, one brain] and spare everyone else the awesome. I hate that you're not here anymore...and you abandoned me here in this stupid state [thanks a lot, Chicago]. But because you're my best friend, I will forgive you [eventually]. You my friend have been more of an influence on my life than some people who have been in my life for over 20 years. You are not only a great friend, but a helpful co-worker, a phenomenal singer, a dedicated and outstanding mother, and a loving sister. I'm pretty sure I just need to start planning a monthly trip to Cinci, because I hate going this long without seeing you. I love the words of encouragement you send me though, and I can already tell that this distance won't affect our friendship in the least. We're solid...we're indestructible...like the Express mailbox.

So there you have it. These are the people that have shaped my life and changed it so much with in the past 6ish months. I cannot imagine who I would be without these people. And they're not it either. I have my absolutely wonderful family. Mom. Dad. Shannon, Brittani, Bryanna. Their boys. And of course my little nephew on the way. And then there's Alex and Maggie, Joey, Jay, other Maggie, Deidra, Neely, Amie, Kali, Jessica, Scott Worley, Caryn, Jaymee, Alycia, Shai, and sooooo many others that have gotten me through certain messes that have come my way lately. I love you all and can't thank you enough for loving me and being my friend. I know it can be difficult sometimes, but you guys are wonderful.

TWLOHA

So it's been a while since I've blogged. It's something that I always say that I want to do...but it never happens. Ever. But last night I did something that I feel that very much deserves to be blogged about.

The organization To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA) came to McKendree University on Tuesday, November 8, 2011. I had the opportunity to go, and it was a phenomenal experience. Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of TWLOHA, came to McKendree to speak to students and community members about TWLOHA. Jamie came with his friends, Mental Health Counselor, Aaron Moore, and musician Steven McMorran from Satellite. The music was amazing, the speakers phenomenal, and the message inspiring. The speakers were so eager and willing to speak with the audience members. It was very interactive, and afterwords they offered the opportunity for a meet and greet with the audience.

My friends, and myself took advantage of that, haha. While me, Nicole, and Caitlin jumped in line to meet Jamie and get our picture with him, Skylar jumped in line to chat with Aaron.

Now mind you, the friends I went with are from my church, and we knew a little background about the organization, and that it began as a Christian organization. But Skylar chatted with Aaron a little bit so definitely find out that both men are in fact strong, faithful, devoted men of God. So awesome! And they are reaching people of many different beliefs. God gifts people like these men for a reason. The impact that these men are having upon lives is great.

What is way more amazing is that what they are teaching is what we as Christians need to be teaching. Every life has more value than we can ever comprehend. Regardless of if you are aware of it or not, you are impacting people every day. God made every individual person beautiful in their own individual way. People need love. They need to know that they are cared for, that they matter, and that their life has purpose. Jamie and the rest of the staff for TWLOHA has done an outstanding job of portraying and preaching this message to people all around the world. Well done.

That's all for now.

I'm gonna try to post again soon.

But knowing me...it'll be about a year.